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I discussed the first two dangers of being shy in my previous blog posts...the danger of not smiling, and the danger of not showing up nor getting out of your comfort zone. Today I'll address the third danger of being shy: "You Think It's All About You". You may counter, "shy people are not confident people, so they by no means are self-absorbed". Oh, really? What are you and I thinking of when we find ourselves feeling shy? If you're like me, you're thinking about what what everyone else is going to think about YOU. You're afraid they will dismiss you. You're afraid they'll find you out--they'll uncover your insecurities and your weaknesses. You're afraid that you will embarrass yourself. You're afraid of rejection.
I've got a secret for you. People are too busy thinking about themselves and their own plans, hopes, dreams, troubles, worries, and insecurities. They're not sitting around focusing on yours. When you meet someone, they want to be accepted just like you do. They don't know you, so they don't know you're "shy" (insecure, scared, etc.). Why not spend your time just getting to know this new person, and put your own insecurities on the back burner for once. Smile, ask them open-ended questions, and really listen to what makes them tick. Larry King's favorite question is "why". When you keep asking a person 'why', you will continue to peel away their outer layers like an onion.
When you are entering a social situation, whether it be personal or business, quietly whisper to yourself, "it's not about me." Quit focusing on yourself, and focus on how you can connect to others and help enrich their lives.
